Get me to the Ranch on time!

So, here’s my little Sunday adventure.

Brad and Jen’s wedding was on Sunday at 4:30. I dropped Mike off at their house to do best man stuff the morning and went back to the hotel. I got my dress steamed, made the “Just Married” sign made for the car (badly), and did a super quick flat iron job on my hair (I bought an emergency $15 flatiron because Mike forgot to grab mine while packing – needless to say, it was not my chi iron). I headed out to the mall after that to meet my friends and have lunch. I had a moment where I considered throwing my dress, boots, and other items in the car just in case I was running late but I thought that would be silly. I would have plenty of time to run back to the hotel and get dressed and put makeup on. **cue ominous music**

So I’m driving away from the mall about 15 minutes later than I would have liked (our waitress was a bit slow) and I get about a block away and I hear a HORRIBLE clanging noise. I pull into a church parking lot and look at the back tire. HUGE FRAKKING BOLT sticking out of it. HUGE. There is much hissing as the tire rapidly deflates.

I call Mel and ask her to come meet me and then I call AAA because 1) I don’t know where the spare tire is or the jack because it’s my husband’s car 2) I have a wedding to go to and I don’t want to arrive completely gross and nasty from changing a tire 3) It’s sort of dangerous to change a tire so I only do it if I absolutely have to and 4) they are fast, reliable and I pay for the AAA anyway so I should use it!

Mike offers to send Chris (another groomsman) for me but there is no way any of the bridal party is going to miss the ceremony because of me! I decide that the best thing to do is send Mel to my hotel room and give her a massive list of everything I need for the wedding including my brush, makeup, flatiron, sign, and clothes.

While she is doing that, I pack up everything that I’m going to need from the car including cameras, cowboy hat, and Mike’s computer because the wedding is out a bumpy dirt road and driving on the donut tire would be bad news - especially because it’s not like we have another tire hidden around somewhere. AAA comes and changes the tire no problem and I’m ready to go. The solution to the problem of how I am getting to the wedding is now for Mel to drive me with all of my stuff. She comes back with everything I need and more. I told her to look for a specific white tank top in my suitcase and, just to make sure I get the right one, she grabbed everything white she could see!!

So I’m laden with stuff and we head out (did I mention it’s about 15 min until ceremony start time at this point and it’s a bit of a drive?) and the only way I was going to be there all put together is to change in the back of Mel’s car (a ford focus). So Mel drives me to the ceremony and I put on my tights and boots and dress in the back seat (my legs were so swollen from running around in the heat so I could only get my boots on with the tights!!!) Also, did I mention I’m pretty prone to car sickness and that I had to pee when we left the restaurant? Awesome.

So Mel and I finally pull in at 4:29 and (thank goodness) there is an issue with the place where the FOB parked that they had to deal with before the ceremony started. I bolted to the groomsman changing room and got myself sort of together before the ceremony (the bladder issue was paramount at this point). Then, as the bridal party was lining up, I cut in front of them to go grab a seat. Of course, I forgot that at a Jewish wedding, bride and groom’s sides are switched so I went to the wrong side at first and looked like an absolute idiot turning around and going for the groom’s side. I finally spy a seat (in a really sunny spot, probably why no one was sitting there) and my phone starts ringing. I say SHIT quite audibly in front of the guests and fumble in my purse for the offending phone. I turn it off and grab my camera as it’s time for the music to start. Whew. Made it. I also managed to sneak back to the groomsman room again to fix my hair and makeup before cocktails but man, it was an adventurous day.

I think it was karmic payback because the bride (who was also the S/O of the best man at my wedding) couldn’t find our ceremony site on our wedding day and ended up hiking along the creek in her heels until she found it. We both had our adventures on each other’s wedding days.